Book

               The Bio... or whatever it's called
                       of Lance Broughton

Aged 64, I'm 6ft 3in standing up but somewhat shorter sitting down. I was born in New Zealand and have suffered the consequences ever since. I have travelled the world extensively a number of times and got involved in many things one shouldn't. But as you can see, I managed to survive more or less in one piece.

My best subject at school was English and from memory averaged a 97-8% pass rate. I apparently hold the world record for the number of published letters about innocuous subjects to the editors of newspapers in the Wellington area for the last 35 years. I also wrote a weekly column for one paper until it was closed down.

In the last ten years I have published literally thousands of political columns in a number of 'down with everything political' websites such as Yellowtimes.org, LewisNews.com and Axisoflogic.com. There have been other lesser known sites from time to time. My highest recorded readership was a little more than 200 million readers for a non political column about the survival of the internet.

I have also run my own website, lbrought.com for about the same period. At times it gets more daily hits than the NZ Government's official website does. Naturally I am hated by the politicians for deliberately stating the obvious. One of these days they will create a law against people stating the obvious. They've got one for just about everything else. But with a bit of luck I would have died of old age by the time they get around to it.

I also recorded a weekly radio broadcast that went out via LewisNews and I understand a number of radio stations in the US of A and Canada rebroadcast a number of episodes. I just wish I could have got paid for my efforts. But one must look back at the past with the expectations the knowledge gained might one-day be profitable in tomorrows future.

My favourite occupation is drinking red wine at my barbecue table on my front lawn. Hence the idea for my novel The Failed Species. Hic!

If you are interested, I have a number of other manuscripts available should you successfully sell this novel. I also have a sequel in mind.

Regards and all that crap.

                         The Failed Species.
The synopsis.

Please note: this tale is the result of the legend known as God deciding that after thirty-seven billion years of being blamed for everything under the suns enriching the multitudes of universes and suffering from long term boredom, he decides to have a break and appoint a suitable replacement. After an extensive search, he finds a potential canidate that mirrors the values of his own youth. Meet Leech.     Please note, The Failed Species is not a religious tale and doesn't involve any particular religion.

After a treble heart bypass, New Zealander 62-year-old Leech, realises he is mortal and starts to appreciate that he's been lied to and cheated all his life. The social injustices continue unabated and he defensively allows his imagination to take over and lead him to a fantasy world of honesty. One day the fantasy turns into reality and he is contacted by a weird bird (Power Dip)
who eventually offers him eternal life plus three days, in exchange for the job of administrator to all universes. He teaches him time travel and Galaxy Gazing (GG), eg, moving from one place to another at the rhyme of a poem.

Using telepathy he has talked to Bonnie and Clyde and young Adolf for a couple of years, but now meets the very much alive but allegedly extinct Moa that live above his house in bush-covered NZ. His Maori thirty year lover, Lyndia, is kept in the dark as to his aspirations and although she time travels with him, he has trained her to forget their out of world adventures
at the snap of a finger.

After learning he has been infertile all his life, despite being the alleged father of four children and Lyndia complaining bitterly that he is a pencil without lead. Leech heroically decides to drink himself to death in his front garden in the longest suicide attempt ever recorded, as cited by the Guinness Book of Records.

In the meantime Lyndia studies ancient Maori culture aided by numerous bottles of sherry and her much loved Nana, an old Maori Quia (wise old lady).

Power Dip explains that Leech's commonsense; honesty, decency, imagination, sense of humour and ability to play with words, are the perfect qualifications for the job of controlling the futuristic future one could ever imagine for the forthcoming hereafter. He also points out that mankind is a failed species and will survive another 200 years at the most. There is however, another equally qualified candidate for Power Dip's consideration.

Naturally Leech hesitates as to the implications of living forever plus three days without his Lyndia, or being permanently dead within ten years without the three days, as advised by his Dr Zivargo from Saint Petersburg. The updated misery of his life causes him to mentally switch from one outrageous conceptual mood to another at a sip of his red wine (Omega 3) health tonic.

Regarded by all as a complete nutcase Leech and his suicide attempt become world famous after television's alleged David Frost becomes involved.

At Power Dip's suggestion, Leech takes Lyndia to a conference on the planet Bondage that ties them up for a few months, and wins the homage of 2,000 extraterrestrials in plastic bubbles as their future leader. He is assisted by Lyndia's ampleness.

Back on Earth, crunch time arrives and Leech is advised of Power Dip's decision.

The injustices described in this novel are based upon true events. While New Zealand governance is probably similar to other countries, but according to Power Dip, the injustices imposed upon the private citizen is the main reason mankind is doomed to failure.